by Clarence Hill
If I surveyed 100 couples and asked, “How important are little things when trying to cultivate a healthy marriage?” The majority would say, “Extremely important!’ The problem, however, lies in the fact that they are small and often overlooked. This matter is of great importance. It’s like a diamond earring falling off of a wife’s ear without notice. When she finally realizes it’s gone, she immediately stops everything and calls for everyone’s help to search the whole house. In comes a barrage of questions, “Where were you when it fell off?” “What rooms were you in?” “How long has it been?” She can’t tell anybody where to start looking. Even though it had great value, it was neither big enough to cause her to feel that it was gone, nor heavy enough to make a sound when it fell. She will find it sooner or later. Be sure that learning how to keep from losing it again will be her top priority. Little things may be easy to lose, but are much too valuable to continually be overlooked.
An understanding smile, a card saying ‘thank you for being in my life’, an act of kindness in the middle of a tough time, little gestures like these strengthen the fibers of a marriage one thousand times more than what they cost. An ironed shirt, a mowed lawn, a midday phone call, quality time with the children, these are everyday gifts that are often too small to be appreciated for anything more than personal duty.
Our culture embraces the mindset that ‘bigger is always better’. If there is any way to get something in greater volume or more expensive, do it. To settle for anything less is considered out of touch. “You only live once”, the world says. These thoughts lead one to give more appreciation to things of greater monetary value. Whatever each person has learned to value most in life will lead to love or despair throughout the entire relationship. Consider the following examples of how one spouse’s values may affect the marriage:
A husband compelled by the desire for a bigger salary will often sacrifice the very family for which he is supposedly providing. He will take night classes, work long hours, and do business on the side, all for more money. He’ll move his family from one city to the next following promotions and pursuing his financial goals. His marriage looks great to others, but his wife hides her pain under the gifts he gives her. Early in their marriage, she did enjoy the fast, upscale lifestyle. Now, she wonders why she married him in the first place. She begins to wish that he’d get fired or lose that big business deal, so that one day she may have less from him and more of him. When little things matter, his success would be measured by the joy and love in his home, not by the size and value of his home.
A wife driven by her childhood dreams of having a big ring, an extravagant wedding, and a dream home, regardless of the financial strain it puts on the household, unwittingly sets the stage for a shallow marriage. Because of her unyielding desires, a corrupting dissatisfaction will now eat away at the heart of their marriage. Every time a special day approaches (an anniversary, Valentine’s day or her birthday), her husband can hardly ponder getting her something meaningful for the burdening thought of her being unhappy with a gift that doesn’t cost enough money. He is reminded of the look he received from her in the jewelry store at his first suggestion of a small diamond ring, which was the best he could give without being unwise with his money. When little things matter, her happiness would not be determined by a price tag. She would realize that one of her greatest gift to her husband would be appreciation.
These scenarios are quite common, but not always intentional. A greed-driven culture and a failure to build a lifestyle on God’s Word combine to make it very easy to live this way. A culture can positively or negatively affect one’s life. The popular customs and practices of the majority are often unconsciously adopted, even though, they are not always the wisest way to do things. Who hasn’t raised an eyebrow of questioning at the many wedding expenses that are considered normal for couples to assume regardless of their financial status? How many couples spent more time planning for a one-day wedding than they did equipping themselves for a lifetime of marriage? Most would agree that it is very easy to find yourself doing things like everyone does them and thinking like everyone thinks, even when the results are questionable. Jesus called this way of living, “the broad way”. He called the right way of living “the narrow way”. We are taught to follow the narrow way. Jesus said that the narrow way is difficult, but that it is the way that leads to life, while the broad way that most people follow is the way that leads to destruction. With more than sixty percent of marriages and homes ending in destruction, it behooves us to learn the narrow way that leads to life. It takes effort to follow the narrow way, while the broad way demands nothing more than passive conformity. The Word of God is the light that reveals the narrow way.
Knowledge of the Word of God is the answer to learning how to live a lifestyle that strengthens a marriage and doesn’t deplete it. The following scriptures are examples of the truth and wisdom that will build a lifestyle of love and appreciation when taken to heart.
A proverb of King Solomon says, “Better is a dinner of herbs (or vegetables) where love is, than a fatted calf (or steak) with hatred.”
Paul strongly warned Timothy saying, “Godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition (or ruin). For the love of money is the root of all evil, for which some have strayed from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. But you, O man of God, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience and gentleness.”
The writer of Hebrews says, “Let your conversation (or lifestyle) be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have. For he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”
The truth in the Holy Bible is powerful enough to cause a husband or wife to keep things in perspective under any circumstance. Jesus lived by the Word of God. In fact, He was the living Word. His teachings are filled with commands that tell those who love Him to do the little things as a daily habit. For example, he gave us a command concerning greeting others. He wanted to be sure that even the meanest of people would receive a smile on occasion from one of His children. He reasoned that we should greet those who don’t greet us, since even evil men greet those that greet them. He is also concerned with the smallest attitudes in our responses to those that we serve. He desires His children to be exceptional employees that are easily entreated regardless of the size of the task. He said, “Whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two.” Surely we can reason that if we are to act in such love and kindness to strangers, we should certainly be investing these rich habits into our own marriages.
Jesus teaches us how to have a right heart when doing good things. He says, “Take heed that you do not do your charitable deeds before men, to be seen by them. Otherwise, you have no reward from your Father in heaven. Therefore, when you do a charitable deed, do not sound a trumpet before you as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory from men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward. But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will, Himself, reward you openly.”
Jesus also teaches us to value the little things. For there are small factors in a marriage heavy enough to crush the most sincere affections. This happens when little things are overlooked. If you are guilty of taking your spouse for granted, it means that somehow they have lost value in your eyes. With the love of God abounding in us, we can continually love each other the way God loves us. Jesus explains how God’s love values the insignificant things, saying, “Are not five sparrows sold for two copper coins? And not one of them is forgotten before God. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.”11 This shows us that in God’s greatness, He does not lose value for the little things. In fact, the way He values little things is what makes Him so great. In following His example of love, we must remember to tell our spouse’s of their value to us and that they are not forgotten in our hearts.
If no one else ever praises your spouse for the things they do, make sure that they know little things matter to you.
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The following “Study Notes” have been provided to encourage you and your spouse to grow deeper in your relationship through personal study in the Word of God.
Study Notes
1. Hosea 4:6
2. Matthew 7:13-14
3. Proverbs 15:17
4. I Timothy 6:6-11
5. Hebrews 13:5
6. Matthew 5:47
7. Matthew 5:41
8. Luke 21:1-4
9. Matthew 6:1-4
10. Romans 5:5
11. Luke 12:6-7
WHY STUDY??
Because Mark 4:24 (AMP) says, “The measure of thought and study you give to the truth you hear will be the measure of virtue and knowledge that comes back to you.”
